We had just sat down after singing a rousing round of the national anthem in church. Doré, leaned past Novalie to tell me something.

“I like baths and burning witches.”

To be fair, I have a problem which makes it difficult to understand speech which is whispered or mumbled, and Doré is a soft-spoken person.  I began to doubt what I heard.  I figured I had better ask for a repeat, or spend the rest of my life wondering if she’s thinking about hunting witches every time she’s sitting  in the hot tub at the Best Western.

“What?”

“I like Japs and starry ridges,” she clarified.

I was still hoping I might have it wrong.  I had to wait for the closing prayer to get clarification.  I leaned in even closer.

“I felt like saying ‘gentlemen, start your engines,’” she repeated.

So she’s not a witch hunter who enjoys a warm bath and starry nights and happens to have a strange affection for the people of Japan. It was a NASCAR reference all along.  First comes prayer, then comes The Star Spangled Banner, and then comes the traditional shout of “Gentlemen!  Start your engines!”  by some celebrity or other honorary figure.

Matthew McConaughey gave the best start your engines! shout in NASCAR history for the Daytona 500 in 2005, followed closely by Magic Johnson at the Los Angeles race.  At the 2004 Daytona 500, President Bush was disappointingly average.  It might seem insensitive for me to say this, but old ladies in wheelchairs do a terrible job.

Hey, don’t look at me like that.  You know where to go if you need a softer, politically correct take on things.  I tell it like it is.  I don’t follow anyone’s rules.  Not even my own.